I happened to eavesdrop into a sinister All Party conversation among a handful of politicians and their cronies. I must tell you that there was no one from the Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) in this get together.
The place was a pub called PUB Lic-ki-Lee. And this is what transpired at the pub-
Congress-ee (to BJP Wala): So, you guys were damn clever. First you wanted the bill to nullify Supreme Courts order banning convicted politicians from contesting or holding seats and suddenly your party does an about turn to appear holier than thou.
RJD Cattle Herder: Bade chaalu ho tum log Bhau!
BJP Bajrangi (Smiling coyly): Aaapke Lalu ji kis se kam hain Tau! Let bygones be bygones man. We have gathered here to deal with this second supreme court bombshell about the extra button.
SP's Pehalwan: How I wish the supreme court had ordered caste & religion based buttons instead. People would then have had to press the button of the community they belonged to and their votes would have automatically gone to the candidate of their caste ot community.
BSP Behenji (objecting): As always, you can't help remiaining a dim wit! What if there are be more than one candidate from the same caste or community!!
RLD's Jatta: Arrey, in that case the votes would be proportionatley divided among all the same caste candidates. Bhai, making candidates stand is in our hands after all. We'd just need to make sure that we don't field same caste guys for the same seat.
As they kept ordering drinks after drinks, their voices kept on becoming louder but incoherent.
Congress-ee: What does Arun Ketlee say?
BJP Bajrangi: Same thing what your Cupill Sibbal said. Since the option is NONE OF THE ABOVE – let us place this button on top of all the other buttons.
RJD: Bhat an idea sir jee. You pee-pul are lucky to have so many chaalu vakilva-sab in your party. This way, ebhen if the voters press the `reject' button, we can always argue in court that since the button said NONE OF THE ABOVE & there was no candiddate listed above that button, hence the rejection has to be rejected.
SP: This way the snake gets killed while the baton remains alive!
TDP's Faidu: I have another idea. How about bribing the vendor who supplies components to the EVM factory. I have had a word with the guy who supplies EVM buttons to the elction commission. On being promised of a ticket in the state assembly elections, he is willing to make this button fragile with poor quality plastic and other third rate raw materials. It won't last more than two dozen pressings.
BSP Behenji: How will that help?
Trinamool Didi: I get it. Fed up with the candidate choices, a lot of bhoters are expected to turn up for bhoting now. Ebhen doj who nebher bhoted till now weel come to bhote. Bhith so many peepool presshing the shame button, it is going to break or stop vaarking after a phew times. Then peepool weel habh no chois baat to bhote for our candidates. Baba re baba- what a bhalo idea!!
TDP's Faidu – Didi, I wlays knew you are a clever girl. Good that you are so far away from Andhra Pradesh...err...or should I say Telangana???
RJD Cattle Herder: Arey Faidu saheb. Keep all this Gaana-Bajaana for later. I am pheeling bhery disturbed – Monday is the judgment day na! Be-chara Lalua. Ee Rahulva ne jo press konference mein ant-shant bol ke sara kaame kharab kar diya na! Warna ordinans-wa pass hoiye na jaata!!!
Arey waiter-wa...marde jaldi se ek tho aur badka gilas bhar ke lava na...sabbe ke khatir.
Disclaimer: Please note that this is a piece of imaginary satirical writing & should not be confused with real news or real facts. It is fake news and is not intended to personally offend any individual , institution, gang, gangster or a political entity or its followers.