Scam Fallout - Mamata to tie Rakhi to Manmohan Singh; Ajit Pawar declares Sonia elder sister; NaMo suffers depression

Kolkata & Mumbai, May 06, 2013

West Bengal's Chief Minister Mamata Banerjee today announced that she intends tying Rakhi to  Prime Minister Manmohan Singh coming Rakshabandhan and making him her brother.

"Brathers are supposed to be sabhiours of their sisters, protecting them everytime they come in harms way. And Monmohan Shing has done ekjactly that by dibherting media and public attenshun from Saradha cheet-phund scam and phokashing the limelight on himself, his railway minishter Pabon Koomar Bonshol and Law minishter Ashbhani Koomar. I ken not tail you how reeleeebhd I am today. Thet constant cobherage of the scam was like hel baba...leebhing us no time to erect neeu electrishity poles in bhitween the court and the jail bhere Shoodipto Sen & other Saradha peepul are kept. You see, we hab to inshtall poles on both sides of the road becoj we don't know from which bhindow of the jail van  Shoodipto would be peeping before his head bangs the pole," she said speaking to whatever journalists are left in the city, mostly representing media houses owned by chit fund companies.

When this correspondent asked her about the progress in the enquiry about SFI activist Sudipto Gupta's death, Mamata lost her temper & shot back angrily - "You see, anyone named Shoodipto can nebher be a good pershun. That Shoodipto Gupta was from the Left which is an unforgivable crime in my eyes. And the Saradha guy too is Shoodipta. Do you still think that Shoodipto Gupta was an innoshent nice boy? You have to be a leftist sympathiser to think like that!!!"

Hundreds of kilometres away on the western side of the country, NCP leader Ajit Pawar held an impromptu press briefing while peeing in a dried up reservoir adjoining a dam. Pawar expressed immense gratitude to Sonia Gandhi for mothering & mentoring a government that gives birth to a new scam everyday.

"It is because of her sacrifices that today I am standing & talking to you in such a relaxed manner. Life was miserable for me and the Marathi people in general till a few days ago with constant bombardment of news about unprecedented drought in Maharashtra and the builder-politician nexus in the wake of building collapse in Thane. And of course the beating up of that silly constable by our MLAs. You won't believe it when I would say that the sight of newsmen & OB vans used to make me super-anxious which resulted in dysuria. With the presswallahs around, my kidneys used to stop  discharging wastewater properly & continuously. Drinking several pegs of Johnny Walker at one go also didn't help. All that is now history courtesy Coal-gate & Rail-gate. Only a loving & caring elder sister would sacrifice so much for her brother."  

When our stringer asked him whether he has any plans to visit 10, Janpath on Rakshabandhan, Mr. Pawar confirmed his plans to do so & get a Rakhi tied by none other than the UPA-II chairperson. He also announced that in return for tying the rakhi, he would give Sonia ji 25% share in all the NCP's revenue from illegal building business and irrigation scam.

Pawar also made a standing offer of providing enough water to Lutyens Delhi during the dry summer months. He promised to camp on the banks of Yamuna close to Okhla barrage and fill it up the same way he proposes to fill up Maharashtra's dams.

At the time of going to the press, our Gandhinagar correspondent reports that Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi has checked into a hospital for extreme mental depression. Sources close to his psychiatrist have told our correspondent that the root of his ailment lies in the widespread coverage & news studio discussions about lesser mortals like Ashwani Kumar & P.K. Bansal. After having featured in the media non-stop on a daily basis, Mr. Modi is not able to digest the fact that the media could ever consider anything else more important than him. He has been shifted to ICU whose four walls, floor & ceiling are made of video-walls playing Modi's looped visuals without a break.

Disclaimer: Please note that this is a piece of imaginary satirical writing & should not be confused with real news or real facts. It is fake news and is not intended to personally offend any individual , institution, gang, gangster or a political entity or its followers.

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