Rising Prices turn Manmohan into a Rebel: Refuses to vacate PM’s Chair for Rahul

The otherwise shy, invisible, inaudible Madam’s loyalist Manmohan Singh is reported to have conveyed a strong message to 10, Janpath that he is no longer a pushover and is very much in the race for Prime Ministership in 2014! Sources close to him inform that he is no mood to vacate his PM’s chair for Rahulji in the event UPA returns to power post 2014 general elections and is willing to press for a vote when push comes to shove to decide as to who’ll lead the UPA-III next year.

In a damning revelation, FICCIleaks website has posted secret audio recordings of conversations at PM’s residence made by USA’s NSA operatives who are said to have dozens of listening devices planted at 7, Race Course Road, PM’s official residence!

In one of the recordings, PM is heard being battered by his better half, bitter over the rising prices of tomatoes, onions, potatoes and all other green vegetables with some of them costing and others rushing to the Rs. 100/Kilogram levels. Previously, she was only worried about her domestic helps flicking things like petty cash left in drawers or MM Singh’s pajamas, jewelry,  expensive cutlery and gifts given by heads of states during phoren trips. But now she has to trail all the housemaids to see if anyone is laying their hands on her priceless collection of tomatoes & onions!

Alarmed at his poor chances of survival on his meager pension, the couple has decided that the best way to stay insulated from the rising prices is to continue being the prime minister for as long as one can. And to ensure that they have to spend bare minimum of their own money on food, Manmohan Singh would reach office before time & work till late seven days a week. This would ensure that his breakfast, lunch, tea & dinner are taken care of from PMO’s budget. He would also start travelling more & more, within & outside the country and never refuse any invitation to inaugurate something or the other anywhere in this country. This too shall ensure that his food expenses are taken care of by the host states, individuals & organizations inviting him. Since majority of such invites are also meant for the wife, a large part of her food expenses too shall be taken care of. Additionally, PM would host state dinners more frequently and also manipulate situations is such a way that all AICC & Congress Working Committee meetings have either lunch or dinner time overlapping.

So the food expenses are taken care of.

FICCIleaks has also uploaded another private conversation between PM & his wife. She can be clearly heard moaning about the frequent rise in petrol prices and then shouting at the Prime Minister that he better not think of making way for Rahul Gandhi ever.

“Why?” he is heard murmuring (audio not clear).

In response, she is heard saying- “B’coz your government has literally become a 100 rupee government! Be it tomatoes, onions or petrol, everything’s price is hurtling towards 100 Rupees!!”

She goes on - “Leaving your chair for that `young’ boy will ensure that we won’t have any official transport available at government expense! And by the time you demit office, petrol prices would have crossed the 100 Rupee mark, given the way the US Dollar is firming up against the Indian Rupee, a bulk of which carries your signatures as RBI Governer. We’ll have to use our own car for running errands-small or big! And paying fuel bills from personal pocket will ensure that we will be forced to sell the family silver within a year of two of retiring from Prime Ministership. Because I’m completely against asking our daughters for help! And Rahul baba has the option to eat at the homes of Kalawati and those of her ilk. The entire nation knows his fondness to spend the night in jhuggi-jhompris of the poor".

 

Political analysts & news studio lizards unanimously agree that the economist in Manmohan Singh has now clearly understood the economic ramifications of his political chivalry of vacating prime ministerial chair for Rahul Gandhi. Some are of the opinion that with such a solid motivation behind him, Manmohan Singh is walking into 2014 with all guns blazing and this may spell doom for Modi & his prime ministerial aspirations.  

 

Disclaimer: Please note that this is a piece of imaginary satirical writing & should not be confused with real news or real facts. It is fake news and is not intended to personally offend any individual , institution, gang, gangster or a political entity or its followers and admirers.