ANTICIPATING CRORES OF INDIANS BEING DEPORTED TO PAKISTAN, NAWAZ SHARIF MOVES UN TO DECLARE MORE THAN HALF OF INDIA AS PAK TERRITORY

In a secret & astonishing move, Pakistan has approached the United Nations asking it to pass a resolution declaring the bordering Indian states of Jammu & Kashmir, Punjab, Rajasthan & Gujarat in addition to all its coastal states & parts of the North East as Pakistani territory effective May 17, 2014.

Pakistani Army has parallely started moving troops to the international borders adjoining these Indian states so that they can swiftly take control of existing Indian territory once the UN passes the motion. Pakistani Navy has also moved its fleet of warships to station them in the Bay of Bengal to take control of West Bengal, Orissa, Kerala & Tamil Nadu. 

This unprecedented development has its roots in the declaration made by one Giriraj Singh, a BJP leader, wherein he is reported to have said that “those opposing the party's prime ministerial candidate Narendra Modi would have to go to Pakistan after the general elections”.  http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/bjp-leader-giriraj-singh-says-those-opposing-modi-will-have-to-go-to-pak/1/356623.html

Pakistan’s incredulous claim over such a large area is backed by a serious scientific analysis of polling data for Lok Sabha elections in the past. Given that BJP polled 18.8% of the total votes in 2009 and assuming a best case scenario of the party polling 25% of the total votes in 2014, given the much publicized `wave’ for it. In his confidential note to the UN Secretary General, Pakistan’s ambassador to the UN has argued that given that India has close to 81.5 Crore voters, this would mean that close to 60 Crore Indians wouldn’t have voted for Modi. Assuming that those voting for BJP’s allies are spared deportation, Pakistan may still have to accommodate a humongous population not less than 45 Crores, more more than 2.5 times its own population!

Excerpts from Pak’s UN Ambassador’s letter-

“Where on earth shall we find space to accommodate so many Hindustani Kaafirs?”   

  

“Our country hardly has many people with spines intact. As a result, our doctors and hospitals aren’t geared to treat spinal patients. How the hell are we expected to treat these Indians then?”

“Assuming that a large chunk of those externed would be women...mannerless & uncultured women who proudly show off their skin, Pakistan shall needs millions of meters of fabric to stitch Burqas for these `loose’ women. The UN High Commissioner for Refugees may thus be ordered by your excellency to provide this fabric as our own factories have been long destroyed by the Taliban and US drones which bombarded them suspecting these to be Taliban hideouts.” 

“Issuing Visas & citizenship documents to so many people, that too at one go could be a herculean task your excellency. Pakistan neither has that much paper nor educated people to man Visa desks at its High Commission & Consulates in India. Thus, the Govt. of India may be instructed by your office to deport these anti-Modi Indians in small batches & allow the process to be completed over the next 10 years.” 

Last heard, UN Secretary General has referred this matter to the UN Security Council and asked it to take a call before May 16, 2014. Instructions have also been sent to WHO to train Pakistani doctors in Spinal Injury Treatment. UNHCR has been asked to arrange for designer Burqas & keep them ready for dispatch to Islamabad at short notice.

It has also sent a letter to India’s Ministry of External Affairs to drop this idea of Externment. 

Disclaimer: Readers may please note that this is a piece of imaginary satirical writing & should not be confused with real news or real facts. It is fake news and is not intended to personally offend any individual , institution, gang, gangster or a political entity or its followers.