Delhi Police's report on Didi's heckling leaked!

New Delhi. The Delhi Police have submitted a detailed report on the fracas & heckling of Didi & Dr. Mitra in front of Yojana Bhavan on 9th April. As the Home Minister Mr. Sushil Kumar Shinde is not in town, the sealed envelope containing the report is yet to be opened & its contents perused. However, this reporter has accessed a copy of the complete report just by slipping a 50 rupee note in the hands of the constable manning the despatch desk at the police headquarters.

The report graphically details out the steps taken by the Delhi Police unit entrusted with Didi & her lieutenants’ security and more or less corroborates the statements made by CPM & SFI leaders that she deliberately chose to get into trouble.

The report mentions that while starting from her residence, Didi looked quite serious & bored. In the car also she didn’t speak much and kept staring at people & objects passing by on left side of her car. However, when she suddenly heard the sound of sloganeering from a distance, her mood changed completely. There was a sudden rush of adrenaline and she asked her PSO to take her there. While the cops advised her against doing so, she was adamant and told them how badly she has been missing this excitement in sterile Lutyens Delhi. The sight of a small crowd holding flags & placards reminded her of things back home…her super comfort zone…something that has been an inseparable part of her DNA, her existence! It reminded her of Bengal!!
When Dr. Mitra tried to persuade her against getting down & mingling with the protestors, she whispered into his ears loudly that joining the protestors, who in all likelihood must be displaying their anger & frustration against the UPA govt., would give her a better bargaining chip inside the planning commission. It would also help her party win over sympathisers in Delhi which in turn would help in enrolling local goons as party’s chhatra parishad members. She asked Dr. Mitra to carry on with the meeting while she shouted slogans outside Yojana Bhavan. She also confided in him that she needed more time to get used to such serious, boring & data crunching meetings considering that her expertise lay in street corner left-bashing meetings. Before Dr. Mitra could say anything, she jumped out of the door and melted into the crowd.

Here, the report mentions that her PSOs have been suspended for not arming the Child Lock on the rear doors of her car. Even the car mechanic has been picked up for questioning as to why did he not make the Child Locks permanent. His mobile records are being scanned to see if he was in touch with CPM, SFI or other leftist outfits.
Once in the crowd, Didi realised that contrary to what she assumed, it was actually a protest against her! By then it was too late to return to the car. The sight of an iron rod set her pulse racing and then the cops set her racing into Yojana Bhavan through another gate.

As far as tearing of Dr. Mitra’s kurta goes, the report clearly says that this could have been the handiwork of local pickpockets. As the Planing Commission is close to the Parliament House which is full of MPs & several central ministries which are full of ministers & babus, the area is teeming with pickpockets 24x7x365.

Mr. Yechury of CPM countered this theory and claimed that Dr. Mitra tore off his kurta pocket himself as a way of convincing commission’s Dy. Chairman Moneytake Singh that his wallet was actually empty and needed generous central funding desperately. He evaded queries about the pickpocket being a member of his party’s newly constituted fund raising committee now that it is out of power in Bengal & Kerala & needs money badly for 2014 elections.

Yojana Bhavan staffers questioned by the police as to why did they take so much time in opening the gate for Dr. Mitra, told the police that none of them could recognise Dr. Mitra as they had never seen him in kurta-pyjama or walking on foot! In the past, whenever Dr. Mitra visited the place as FICCI General Secretary, he always wore expensive suits & never came in with an empty purse. On the contrary, his wallet was always full & he was generous in sharing some of his or FICCI’s good fortunes with them. This man, whom the police was calling Dr. Mitra didn’t even give them the customary bakshish that every Indian citizen including paupers have to pay in govt. offices!

Disclaimer: Please note that this is a piece of imaginary satirical writing & should not be confused with real news or real facts. It is fake news and is not intended to personally offend any individual or a political entity or its followers.

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